JOKE BASEMENT

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dad, what does a pussy look like?"

A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy
look like?"

Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?"

Son, "Well, before?"

Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."
Son, "well what about after?"

Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"



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NEW ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE

Element: WOMAN
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less)
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold,
silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able
to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when
placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for
disintegration of wealth. Probably the single most powerful income
reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element: MAN
Symbol: XY
Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!
Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100 Physical Properties: Solid at room
temperature, but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and
sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging
samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh
samples.
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get.
Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when
mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Neutralize
by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able
to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.

Oh, its just that your possum's tongue is sticking out

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower.
The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks "What's that?"
Her sister replies "That is my possum, sis!"
The young girl replies "Oh, OK"

The next day she sees her mother get out of the shower and a pointing at her pussy again asks "What's that?"
Her mother replies "That's my possum!"
The young girl again replies "Oh, OK"

The next day she sees her grandmother getting out of the shower and once again pointing at her pussy asks "What's that?"
The grandmother replies "That's my possum!"

The young girl replies "Oh, grandmother, is your possum dead?"
The grandmother, looking a little dazzled replies "No, deary, why do you ask?"

The young girl replies "Oh, its just that your possums tongue is
sticking out!"

Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know

The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."